So, we continue with the fact that we as parents are stuck in two phases, i.e., Visible Phase (VP) and Invisible Phase (IVP) (as detailed in Parenting Blog # 1). We believe the VPS continues throughout the Parenting with changes in the modes, categories, and lifestyle. While the IVPs are constant, just the sensitivity fluctuates over time.
We want to explain the roots of the phases we face as parents (irrespective of Male or female Parent); let us see the chart below:
Here, it is better to elaborate the parts to make sure the above assumptions of proportions, generally, are near to facts.
Organically, this chunk should be 25% to 30%, as this is the basic block of Parenting where someone chooses to provide a healthy and happy span of growth to their child, both physically and mentally—for instance, providing healthy food, timely eating, good sleep time, physical and mental activities, basic manners, cleanliness, modest clothing, etcetera. Our earlier blog mentioned that this varies from parent to parent, but the prime cause is somehow similar. So, observing parents, in general, give the utmost 20% focus to this chunk (if more, it is glamorized with luxuries), which is 5% to 10% lesser than the required.
The hottest sip of tea for every parent is given 30% or sometimes even up to 50% of parenting life! Every other forum discusses this topic with a broad spectrum as this has become more than a necessity. Although organically it might not be, the most challenging part of deciding upon it might not be the social influence, family politics and rivalries, inferior complex, non-productive/self-created competition, and relevant factors, turn the decision rather a difficult one. We feel that our kids’ education is some sensitive personal level decision, purely to be decided by parents themselves (considering available resources and preferences) without any influence, to get best results. It might be a highly charged school, some missionary school, a good school, or a good. Educating our kids reeducating to grow with knowledge rather than burden them with loads of b& material with stress on succeeding at any cost. We do not mind going with Kids’ choices as per their interests instead of forcing them for a particular faculty or pre-defined choices. It just not stops their creativity, but it is also challenging to make them good humans and excellent decision-makers (serious tool as one day they will be parents too, let them be good decision-makers). So, why put oneself in hot water when it is a simple task purely “YOU” decision. Hence, we feel this chunk of Parenting should not take more than 25% of parenting life.
It is the most courageous part and 200% result-oriented. It is where someone needs a strong (mentally) spouse to push this chunk nicely and successfully. It needs a lot of self-analysis, patience, focus, mindfulness, and the best utilization of available resources and time. Parents need to align their acts, decision and provide quality time to their kids. This chunk need not be compromised at any cost as this is the US that can make the Parenting bright (success) or the other way (failure). The riskiest is irreversible (I would discuss at some other time in detail in order to refrain from parenting losses). Considering the factual observation and being a student/Parent counselor, we feel that this chunk to be given at least 30% of parenting life, opposing the overall percentage at 10% as this is the basic block of Parenting, our relationship strength with our kid/s.
The least important, as need to be, but unfortunately, it is not! There seems to be unlimited, undefined, unnecessary, and undoubtedly a long list. We are busy providing our kids the maximum we can get out of these unreasonable listings. This chunk is given 40 % or sometimes more than that, which results adversely in different critical areas of Parenting and invites the IVPs (negative impacts) for both parents and their kids. We are not against luxuries. Instead, we believe in setting limits to lessen the unjustified burden on parents and kids to realize the value or worth of anything that is being arranged for them by their parents. So, this needs an extraordinary balancing scale to be set by parents. Organically, parents should give only 10% max to this chunk. Nevertheless, whatsoever our purchasing power is, the limit will help us doing effective Parenting.
Parents, relax and are reasonable! We as parents already doing a sensitive and responsible job, so why not make it an effective one….? We hope our words bring in some positive changes and somehow helpful to understand Parenting, a better way..!
We will be discussing the above chunks with real examples to make sure we justify our opinion well, and we will always welcome feedbacks and personal opinions that might add to our cause as parents. Yeah……………towards our next blog!
Written by: Zakia Hassan