The relation of a husband and wife is the basis of a family, and therefore it must be strongest. However usually, we take it for granted; this is where problems arise. We don’t work on our relation much, which affects our kids also and to top it up, we don’t even realize it.
Spouses usually have in their minds that we have to do everything for our kids and ignore each other most of the time just for kids’ sake. They don’t realize that due to this ignorance, their bond gets weaken as time passes. Distance begins to grow more and more, resulting in misunderstandings, quarrels, mistrust due to which home atmosphere becomes thick. Eventually, kids get poorly affected by it for whom they were doing everything. They don’t realize that kids need a peaceful house, loving and understanding parents who love and understand each other. The rest are secondary, but in most cases, spouses prioritize secondary things and ignore the basics, which give destructive results in the long run.
If I specifically talk about our Asian culture, people don’t work on their relationships and rush towards giving birth right after marriage. The minor and neglectable problems before the baby become significant and damaging after the baby’s birth. As after birth responsibilities increase and spouses get busy with babies, new issues and difficulties arise side-by-side. When the partners haven’t solved and worked on previous ones, the later ones only add fuel. The relation starts to burn gradually. After some time, they may stay together while keeping hatred in their hearts for each other, which will eventually be visibly seen in their actions or separate their ways. Either way, it affects the kids badly. We can’t avoid problems and difficulties; they are part and parcel of life; we solve them and manage them while living our lives to the fullest.
After marriage, spouses should always take some time and invest in the relationship, be it one, two, three or five years, no matter how long it takes. As every relation moves at its own pace, depends on the understanding of partners, always take some time before moving on to the next step, reproduction. This way, when new problems and difficulties arise after birth, both partners will understand each other and their issues well and eventually solve them together, strengthening their bond more. They will provide a loving atmosphere for their kids, which will pull off a strong, caring and understanding family in the long run.
I understand that it is easy to talk about than to implement, as, in Asian culture, there are too many societal and family pressures and influences in a couple’s life. Still, we all have to fight it together with our spouses and stay firm on our stance without considering anyone because it’s our life, and we should be the ones to take its decisions.
In my next post, I will write about how a couple can grow their bond strong and understand each other as in the beginning; it’s challenging to pull off the relationship, so a few points in mind will always help. Meanwhile, I would love to know what difficulties you all faced at the beginning of your relationship, and it may help many of us.