In every article and lecture regarding parenting, influencers usually tell about what we should do as a parent and what methods and techniques we should opt for our kids’ upbringing. Still, no one ever talks about what we should not do while upbringing our kids. I realised it when I read Amy Morin’s book named ‘Thirteen Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do.’ And it shook me to the core of my heart. I felt it was a thing to talk about; it’s as essential as Dos of parenting. We as parents should also know what we shouldn’t do. Sometimes we don’t even realise that we are not getting our desired results in our upbringing because we have solely focused on what we should do.
Along with that, we are also doing things we should not do actually. We have to account for both Dos and Don’ts in our parenting. So today’s article is an abscess of Amy Morin’s book. Amy talked about thirteen things parents shouldn’t do with their kids. I will be discussing one point at a time, not all, because the article will get lengthy. I might write the other issues in my following articles in continuation of this one.
The first and foremost point is we should not condone a victim mentality in our children. When I was young, I often failed in competitions. However, my mother never appreciated it whenever I went to my mum and told her that judges weren’t fair or any other external reason I gave to explain my failure. She told me always do not to blame others for my failure. It’s ok sometimes, we fail in something, but every other person in this world isn’t our enemy who has the ulterior motive to ground us. My mum used to tell me that take responsibility for your failures yourself, ponder over why you failed, and learn from it so the next time you will succeed.
When my mum didn’t support my victim mentality, I felt terrible but constant advice changed me over time, and I started learning lessons from my own life, which made me a much better version of myself.
Today, when I look back, I realise that if my mother had condoned my victim mentality in my childhood, I would have never been able to succeed. Because once in our mind we become a victim, we will be a victim forever. We have to teach our kids to accept their failures and learn from them. Otherwise, the whole life, they won’t even try to do anything, they won’t understand, because in their minds they will be the victims and the entire world conspires against them all the time, this will never let them work hard and succeed.