A DARK MEMORY

Posted byZakia AttiaPosted inBe the Life Changer, Life Analysis, Life Lessons, ParentingTags:, , , ,

It’s 7th December today (apologies to post a day late). The darkest day of my life. When I went to bed with my firstborn on the night of 6th December 2015, I couldn’t have imagined what would I wake up to the next day. That night my 17months old was beside me in the bed, and the next night he was in NICU, getting closer and closer to death with each passing day. Since then, every December and June hits me bad. I know I should have continued and completed the HABIT topic, but my mind is distracted, so I thought to share it.

It is the day that turned my whole world upside down. I used to crochet a lot those days, so I worked on a project the entire night. I am an early riser; I used to wake up early and complete my house chores before my baby woke up during that time. But that day, I woke up late. My baby woke me up when he got up. He was starving and asked me for his milk bottle, which wasn’t ready. I got up, thinking I would prepare his bottle first and then go to the loo, but I went to the loo due to an emergency. My kid was behind me, and I couldn’t block the door, which I used to do so that he wouldn’t come in due to the emergency. A night before, my husband told me that he had cleared the clogged drain before sleeping, and I said okay, casually ignoring how he removed it. But the next day, when my kid followed me in the washroom, he saw the mug he used to play with while showering and some other toys. He picked that up, and I was okay. He saw some water inside the cup and drank that. I moved forward to stop him thinking the water wasn’t safe to drink, but he already drank it before I stopped him. It all happened in a few seconds. And to my utter shock, my kid started scratching his tongue I couldn’t understand what exactly happened due to the pain he threw the mug far I picked up that mug to see what was in that and what I found was mind-numbing. It was the acid solution. My husband used to bring the powder acid and pour it in the drain directly, but that night he made the solution in that cup as he didn’t know anything about the cup. He just saw it near the sink. He made the solution in that and then poured it into the drain. He told me he had washed the cup afterwards, but maybe he didn’t wash it properly because I saw some powder acid particles in that cup and a little bit of leftover water maybe after washing. The whole night those particles and water drops reacted and made a concentrated solution which burnt my baby from mouth till anus internally, and it was a third-degree burn. My kid got distorted in front of me, and my mind wasn’t working. I thought to call my husband, but I couldn’t figure out where my mobile was. I didn’t want to waste even a second, so I picked him up and tried to make him drink some water so acid may neutralize inside. I started pouring water into his mouth and was trying to figure out where is my mobile at the same time. I tried to run water into his mouth on the sink, and my son was biting my fingers due to pain; Instead of gulping it down. Suddenly I remembered where my mobile was; I left my baby on the bathroom floor and ran to my handbag to take out my mobile, it just took a few seconds, but when I can back with my mobile, I saw my baby’s whole mouth had turned black. I just lost all my hope in that moment and thought now only God can save him. He is all burnt. I called my husband. His office was on a five-minute drive when he came home.

I ran to unlock the door after reaching because I used to keep the door locked from inside during that period for extra security. My husband took the baby to the nearest hospital, where he was born, and then they sent us to the Government hospital due to the severity. There they put him on a ventilator and told us his condition. They said we don’t know what will happen; next, we have to wait and monitor him because there is no medicine for the burn. It will heal itself. How much time it will take to heal and what will be the results of healing we can’t tell you. It’s a long story about what happened afterwards how each day passed after that. But on 6th June 2016, after the same six months, my kid left this world, and I was empty-handed.

To this day, this incident haunts me every night. I couldn’t sleep for so long. I used to be awake the whole day and night. The first time I slept was when my second child turned 8months old. My mother was with me in the hospital when my second child was born and continuously asked me, why aren’t you sleeping? It’s been three days. I told her I didn’t know, but I could not sleep even after trying.

Since then I have kept my mobile with me all the time. I never lock the door from inside. And the most important thing doctors told me was whenever there is acid burn, never give water, always give milk. Water increases the damage, and milk secures from damage.

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Published by Zakia Attia

Passion of poetry, writing and reading

51 thoughts on “A DARK MEMORY”

  2. I’m very sorry for your loss Attia… I swear my heart is crying for you! I can’t imagine the pain you went (and are still) going through. I hope you start to feel better, even if it takes a while💔😭😢

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  3. I wish I could use my own words as an anointment, but only God’s time and word can heal.You are strong and will not be tempted above what you can bear.Every time you share your story although oppo ainful

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    1. Second you…. God blessed me with 2 more kids after this loss. I’m busy with them the whole day. Busy with their chores, love, hugs and their fights haha. This time I felt I should express myself to relax my mind and soul that misses my first born. The pain gets relief to a good extent when we speak out our hearts. Thanks you so much to understand my feelings.

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    1. Thank you so much for your prayers, highly oblige. This article is by my sister Attia co-blogger. She is strong and doing much better with her kids now. However, this dark memory was much needed to be shared and expressed out to relax. Thank you once again.

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  8. I’m terribly sorry for your loss, Zakia. Please accept my condolences and prayers. I can’t comprehend the pain you’ve experienced, but please know you and your family are in my thoughts today. Thank you for sharing what must have been an incredibly heavy burden for you. Sending love and light from Colorado, USA.

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    1. So soothing gestures and emotional support mean the world. Your kind words and prayers did a lot to relax my feelings that take place every year during the highlighted days even after 5 years. I feel proud to be in the prayers of such a gentle person. Thanks a lot. Attia here co-blogger with Zakia, my sister.

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  9. Thank you for sharing in this space. I want to offer lots of silent presence and breathing with prayers – this is deeply painful. May God assist you to healing this very unfortunate life experience you went through and continue through. I am very sorry for this tremendous loss.

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    1. Ohh hugs to you, such a painful coincidence. It’s a way long to bear this pain. Sometimes it’s uncontrollable, hard to bear and the other days it’s mild busy with other kids.

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  13. 😦
    Really sorry to hear about your loss. I was holding my breath while reading and not able to stop my tears after reading it. None can understand the feeling and pain you have gone through.
    I hope you have a very healthy and beautiful life.

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  16. I am so deeply sorry for what happened to you, so very sorry. You are so brave to share this painful story with us, and to tell us: milk, Not water. That is now stuck in my brain. I cannot conceive of what heartbreak you went through. I only hope one day it stops haunting you. God bless you and your child’s memory ❤️

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