PARENTING (Part # 2)

So, we continue with the fact that we as parents are stuck in two phases, i.e., Visible Phase (VP) and Invisible Phase (IVP) (as detailed in Parenting Blog # 1).  We believe the VPS continues throughout the Parenting with changes in the modes, categories, and lifestyle. While the IVPs are constant, just the sensitivity fluctuates over time.

We want to explain the roots of the phases we face as parents (irrespective of Male or female Parent); let us see the chart below:

Here, it is better to elaborate the parts to make sure the above assumptions of proportions, generally, are near to facts.

Basic needs:

Organically, this chunk should be 25% to 30%, as this is the basic block of Parenting where someone chooses to provide a healthy and happy span of growth to their child, both physically and mentally—for instance, providing healthy food, timely eating, good sleep time, physical and mental activities, basic manners, cleanliness, modest clothing, etcetera. Our earlier blog mentioned that this varies from parent to parent, but the prime cause is somehow similar.  So, observing parents, in general, give the utmost 20% focus to this chunk (if more, it is glamorized with luxuries), which is 5% to 10% lesser than the required.

Education:

The hottest sip of tea for every parent is given 30% or sometimes even up to 50% of parenting life! Every other forum discusses this topic with a broad spectrum as this has become more than a necessity. Although organically it might not be, the most challenging part of deciding upon it might not be the social influence, family politics and rivalries, inferior complex, non-productive/self-created competition, and relevant factors, turn the decision rather a difficult one. We feel that our kids’ education is some sensitive personal level decision, purely to be decided by parents themselves (considering available resources and preferences) without any influence, to get best results. It might be a highly charged school, some missionary school, a good school, or a good. Educating our kids reeducating to grow with knowledge rather than burden them with loads of b& material with stress on succeeding at any cost. We do not mind going with Kids’ choices as per their interests instead of forcing them for a particular faculty or pre-defined choices. It just not stops their creativity, but it is also challenging to make them good humans and excellent decision-makers (serious tool as one day they will be parents too, let them be good decision-makers). So, why put oneself in hot water when it is a simple task purely “YOU” decision. Hence, we feel this chunk of Parenting should not take more than 25% of parenting life.

Relationship:

It is the most courageous part and 200% result-oriented. It is where someone needs a strong (mentally) spouse to push this chunk nicely and successfully. It needs a lot of self-analysis, patience, focus, mindfulness, and the best utilization of available resources and time. Parents need to align their acts, decision and provide quality time to their kids. This chunk need not be compromised at any cost as this is the US that can make the Parenting bright (success) or the other way (failure). The riskiest is irreversible (I would discuss at some other time in detail in order to refrain from parenting losses). Considering the factual observation and being a student/Parent counselor, we feel that this chunk to be given at least 30% of parenting life, opposing the overall percentage at 10% as this is the basic block of Parenting, our relationship strength with our kid/s.

Luxuries:

The least important, as need to be, but unfortunately, it is not! There seems to be unlimited, undefined, unnecessary, and undoubtedly a long list. We are busy providing our kids the maximum we can get out of these unreasonable listings. This chunk is given 40 % or sometimes more than that, which results adversely in different critical areas of Parenting and invites the IVPs (negative impacts) for both parents and their kids. We are not against luxuries. Instead, we believe in setting limits to lessen the unjustified burden on parents and kids to realize the value or worth of anything that is being arranged for them by their parents. So, this needs an extraordinary balancing scale to be set by parents. Organically, parents should give only 10% max to this chunk. Nevertheless, whatsoever our purchasing power is, the limit will help us doing effective Parenting.

Parents, relax and are reasonable! We as parents already doing a sensitive and responsible job, so why not make it an effective one….? We hope our words bring in some positive changes and somehow helpful to understand Parenting, a better way..!

We will be discussing the above chunks with real examples to make sure we justify our opinion well, and we will always welcome feedbacks and personal opinions that might add to our cause as parents. Yeah……………towards our next blog!

Written by: Zakia Hassan

DEATH

Everyone meets, Everyone meets

Death is the thing which everyone meets,

Rich in the castles, Poor in the streets, but

Death is the thing which everyone meets,

If rich would buy it then poor would die, but

Death is the thing which everyone meets,

First who will meet it, nobody knows, because

Death is the thing which everyone meets,

No cares whether young or old, just be ready to face, because

Death is the thing which everyone meets

Poetry by: Zakia Hassan

Video Animation by: Attia Hassan

PARENTING (Part #1)

PARENTING….! Reason this topic chosen is, we feel we can add some good drops in the bucket of thoughts, is the conflicts I found around the globe on this particular colossal slice of one’s life. Being a mother of two girls, a woman went through many early experiences; one thing which kept intact was to be as reasonable as we can, keeping the goals focused. It is the observation that parents and kids a lot, especially working as Parent – Student counselors at two schools, that too in average vicinity where parents face hard times even for primary parenting phase. So, instead of these facts and the urge to put in some value addition in Parenting, We are here with an open blog where we would be glad to share people’s real-life examples, problems, solutions, creativity, or anything they want. And please, no assumptions or imaginations, just REAL! So, here we are putting up our thoughts as a blog…!

Is parenting an easy task? Changing diapers, feeding healthy & timely, sleeping schedule, clothing, skincare, cleanliness, education, home chores, office work, self-grooming, and much more. Eh?

Numerous forums and discussion boards have discussed this unique endless topic, with several problems, solutions, tricks, myths, etcetera. Here we are also having the same discussion with a different perspective with a solution-based observation and discussion.

Let us begin with dividing the Parenting (Especially preceding years from Day 1 till teenage) between two main areas, I.e., Visible Phase (VP) and Invisible Phase (IVP). These parenting phases are both for both Parents. Although intensity differs from case to case basis, it varies with either parents or single parent in terms of sensibility, care, decision making, easy-going, possessiveness, overthinking, and availability of resources (monetary as well as moral support.)

Visible Phase (VP):

So, here we go with the VP list:

  1. Diapers – Changing timings, choosing brand and affordability, potty training. Endless.
  2. Feeding – Which food to give and when? What is healthy? Timing chunks, packet food, organic food…………….again endless.
  3. Sleeping Schedule – When baby should sleep? Why is he/she sleepless? Is the bed comfortable? Eh, endless too!
  4. Clothing – Will the fabric suit the baby? Which brand to go with according to affordability (for many, affordability does not matter)? What fashion suits the baby? How does someone with their baby should look? Heh, is it endless? 
  5. Skincare – Dealing with allergies, searching for the best skin ointments, etcetera
  6. Cleanliness: Detergent selection, sanitizers, sterilization, cleaning liquids, etcetera.
  7. Education: Choosing schools, preparatory centers, home education, etcetera
  8. Home Chores management: Both parents are into this type.
  9. Work (from home/ at the office): Eh, this is huge to list!
  10. Self-grooming: Generally less paid! Sometimes Neve. Eww!

Invisible Phase (IVP):

Here we go with the IVP list:

  1. Over-thinking
  2. Stress
  3. Anxiety
  4. Lack of confidence
  5. Sleeplessness

Anyone can add as many as they faced as IVPs are neither confined nor identical.

“A big Shout out to all the Parents,” you all have been doing a fantastic job, most hardworking, devoted, sincere, and precious services! Not an easy job at all.  The above is only the initial phase (early years of Parenting) in the discussion. The scene is incomplete, however…..!

In our opinion, Parenting needs more discussions in place of solution cum satisfaction. Therefore, we will go with real-life case studies, our experiences, our observations, our analysis that we have gained as a parent-student counselor, educationalist, and ourselves as a parent. First, of course, moving to Part #2 of our blog.

Blogger: Zakia Hassan

Natural Tears

One dearest to you,

When blames you wrong,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears,

One nearest to you,

When is not seen for long,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears,

One closest to you,

When missed, heart gives a gong,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears,

One loveliest to you,

When loves you no long,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears,

One precious to you,

When ignores you wrong,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears.

Natural Tears

One dearest to you,

When blames you wrong,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears,

One nearest to you,

When is not seen for long,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears,

One closest to you,

When missed, heart gives a gong,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears,

One loveliest to you,

When loves you no long,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears,

One precious to you,

When ignores you wrong,

Feel tiny tiny drops,

Fall on your heart,

Are the Natural Tears.

Poetry by Zakia

PRAYERS :AT THE START OF THE DAY

At the start of the day I say to God, Say to God

For What to do,

I try to be good because I know

Where I should,

That’s my prayers at the start of the day,

I pray to God, Pray to God

For the successful life

I help others to get the love of God

So get rid me of despair

For the loveable life

That’s my prayers at the start of the day.

Poetry by Zakia Hassan

RECYCLING BENEFITS ENVIRONMENT

Importance of RECYCLING

‘RECYCLING’ is the term used highly in this era. In every conversation, gathering, debate, discussion, Almost everywhere, BUT no one is bothered to work upon it. These days, it has become a norm that every other person is master in firing words and using terminologies and slogans. Still, we find the majority acting opposite to what they say practically. We see them reluctant to implement what they said.

If we look around ourselves, we will find that people are busy showing off how much they are blessed to buy whatever they want no matter what it cost. Hence they are wasting resources. We do not realize that by spending on articles that can be made easily at home from trashed items; we are wasting our funds and as well as we are polluting the environment more and making the survival of our future generation challenging.

For recycling, we use the term ‘3 R’s’; now the question is, what is the 3 Rs?

“The three R’s – reduce, reuse and recycle – all help to cut down on the amount of waste we throw away. In addition, they conserve natural resources, landfill space, and energy. Plus, the three R’s save land and money.”

It is high time to play our part to minimize pollution in this world and start working upon this 3 R’s Program. We always talk about pollution and its disasters but are not willing to even take a step forward on our own. Statistics say; in 2015, POLLUTION killed 9 million people in the world. If we ponder over it why this happened, we will get the answers by ourselves. All this happens because individually, we all think that how can only a person, let suppose someone starts working upon the 3 R’s, would make a difference to the environment? So if we all think the same way and count our acts worthless, nothing will change then.

Moreover, soon the earth will no longer be a safe place to live, and species will extinct, As it is already happening, but in the future, humans will also be in those species who have started to extinct on this earth. When we throw a single bracelet in the sea, we assume what a single bracelet would do to the ocean but imagine there are 50,000 people at a time at the shore. Everyone is throwing their bracelets in the sea, having the same thoughts, what will we get in the result? There will be 50,000 bracelets in the ocean. Yes, a single bracelet would not do any harm, but 50,000 bracelets will pollute the sea and ultimately make life difficult for water creatures or maybe destroy them.

So the thing is, WE HAVE TO BE THE CHANGE WE WANT IN THIS WORLD. Daily, from every single house, much waste is thrown in the garbage. If we all individually try to minimize the garbage quantity of our own homes, we can make this world less polluted.

Written By: Attia Hassan

To achieve happiness humans must pursue only extremely positive things

Where and how to get happiness? Does this come from wealth? Or Love? Or career success? Or gaining with high standards? Or achieving higher degrees? etc. I get lost when I see an unhappy wealthy person, unhappy lover, unhappy career successor, unhappy living on high standards, unhappy degree achiever….as I use to think they might be the happiest people on earth, since they achieved what they wished for but it’s exactly not, So where does this happiness live?

In current era, we humans work day and night to meet ends, gain success, wealth, career, education and what not but the true essence or ingredient is missing in our lives. Hence, it’s proved vitally that happiness does not mean any of these rather it comes somewhere inner you where there are no regrets, no negativity just thankfulness on every step. Let’s do some self analysis and invite our brain-heart duo to start seeing happiness everywhere: Oh wow! My morning tea was awesome and refreshing, my white rose plant is growing great, what a lovely view of my garden! Hey! I am on time today as I woke up fresh, what a blessed sleep last night! Let’s hop like kids when you get your favorite meal, why can’t we smile at each other just as a gesture of love and care?

This is why our kids are always complaining, as nothing makes them super excited! While we a decade or two ago, were more than happy getting even a new pencil box, or colorful erasers, a new bag, watching favorite cartoons, having popsicle together (a great treat), spending time with family, story time…………..This all gave strength rather useless meet-ups.

During this pandemic, I got chance to analyze human behavior and as per my results, “Happiness” is the most needed tablet in these times. I wish every doctor describe it to everyone, or this may be injected as vaccine. Happiness is the real fuel for your brain-heart duo, it strengthens a human and removes negativity, fear, distress and stress. The social animal (human) now realizing to live simply, make life easier for oneself as well as for others, be caring, be helpful, be kind, be a good human being, why now? Is it a fear of being no more? What if we have been doing this all ever as a human practice? Believe me this would have given the greatest happiness since happiness comes with sincerity and purity of one’s heart not from fear and actions that just show off!

Wish and pray to get this happiness for myself, family, friends and every other human on earth, lets live organic and grow happiness in our gardens.

Written by Zakia Hassan

HERO

POEM:

Who is, Who can, Who will be the Hero?

Walks on the noblest path,
Have courageous thoughts,
Admirable and attractive,
And have a powerful will,
Is the Hero, can be the Hero, will be the Hero!

Ever ready for sacrificing truly,
Aiming to spread love,
Nature of hearty is his will,
Makes life heartened for others,
Is the Hero, can be the Hero, will be the Hero!

Firm and sturdy in decisions,
Against the worries of the world,
Have exciting effects in nature,
Whom people fall in love at once,
Is the Hero, can be the Hero, will be the Hero!

Don’t live hereabouts himself,
Ever have time to spread success,
Always express surprise,
For the enthusiasm of others,
Is the Hero, can be the Hero, will be the Hero!

Poem by Zakia Hassan

Hey Human! You are, You can, You will be the Hero! As this feature is only suitable for you as you are Human Being and Humanity should only be your characteristic. What are you waiting for? Can’t you be a noble person, with courageous thoughts, admirable nature, attractive leader with powerful Will?

Let me elaborate…… when you face hardships, it adds you as a new ring to the chain of life in the world whereby when you find your way out of your difficulties, you turn into a master piece. This Master piece is well polished and matured enough to give light, guide and help others in their hardships. So don’t you think you are the chosen! As you started one integral ring in the chain….

Furthermore, hoping for dreams come true is quite natural for a Human but is that the only step to realize your dreams? No my Dear! some special ingredients still awaited, such as, effort that sweats you out, determination, setting up goals, hard work with due knowledge. Hence it’s decided that there is no magic to get the dreams realized…..

Above all, I believe that a Hero is the Human, who is always satisfied of his efforts he puts in to realize his dreams…! So, is every success, is a satisfied success? In my opinion, it is not so… because a true success which satisfies the urge of a Human, is when his efforts are unconditional and fully packaged with sincerity, love, care and helpful for other Humans…..!

Written by Zakia Hassan

Relationships

“All relationships without exception goes though challenges but honest and continuous sincere efforts to build relationship with times it becomes one unit like beautiful horizon.  What this entails is every relationship starts as two or more different personalities, which in the beginning starts as cautious distance between parties and with time distances reduces to a point where sky and ocean becomes horizon. Wait: but horizon has light followed by darkness and light again and this goes on until the end of the time. This tells us that maintaining good relationship requires the fuel of persistence, consistent efforts, strong determination, and burning obsession of each party who wants the normal relationship with expectation of bumpy road. But don’t forget, this has to be a joint effort from each party in relationship; solo efforts are very much likely to be a failed attempt.

In a nutshell this explains the wide spectrum of challenges which exist in each relationship. Personal relationship is defined in Oxford Dictionaries as the ‘state of being connected by blood or marriage’. The point of discussion here is relationship between spouses and in-laws, which without exception requires laser focus efforts with genuine desire to have long lasting relationship; by both parties.

Now a days when we marry our sons and daughters, we train them as a shroud politician as if we are sending them to win the election; one party has to lose. This is the reason in our culture relationships of in-laws and spouses has taken the turn for the worst.  My conclusion is that main ingredient of the relationships has been replaced by ego, self-centered, and lack of long-term vision of ultimate loser. This egocentric attitude of the parents and sibling of spouses are hurting their own to suffer through painful relationship.

Initially during the proposal, both families (bride & groom) look for and find good qualities among each other. They go as far as exaggerate the good attributes for each other although it doesn’t exist. Both families feel very attached to each other and find every excuse to get together more often. Well; nothing wrong with that, actually it is awesome, but it is usually short lived from the day of the wedding to God know how long or forever. Some disagreement turns into hate, name calling; remember they gave each other good attributes which even didn’t exist; and worse they avoid any face to face interaction, which completely blocks any chances for potentials for reconciliation.

Now, the war has begun between spouses and in-laws and warm and fuzzy feeling turned into hatred in each family. Groom started getting wrong and misguided information from his family and so bride’s family did the same thing to her. These gymnastic matches started creating a crack in spouses’ relationship. This turns each spouse to be on guard; always ready to retaliate. On the contrary this could have been the continuation of love, respect, acceptance and always looking or even manufacture good qualities as they started in the beginning of marriage proposal. Don’t forget the offspring of the couple may be affected as they observe the tension between the spouses. And natural tendencies are that when offspring turn into adulthood, they may carry on the tensions usually against the groom side of the family. A relationship which could have been very beautiful by pouring love, respect, acceptance, and patience have become the most horrible as we all are busy in pouring hatred on it which continuous in our future generation and the cycle goes on and on from generation to generations.

So, what is the antidote; fear of Allah, respect, recognize the right of relationship as defined and demonstrated by Quran, Sunnah, and our righteous figures whom we mention their names in our day to day life. Remember at the opening of this easy I said “families (bride & groom) look for and find good qualities among each other”, I call this throwing seed of love. Throw as many seeds as you can and let it grow to be a big tree with solid roots. And the shade of this tree is your paradise in this world.

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